13th december 2006

class gathering today was so so WEIRD.

why?

becos jonathan turned up.

and the rest of the ppl who turned up are lappie, jerome and qunkai. jon was the first to come and he kept calling me. so many times asking stupid qns. so scary can. and then lappie came. so lappie and me went down and then saw jon. it felt so so so so so STRANGE. somehow. we talked about funny things. then finally jerome and qunkai came. and it still felt kinda weird. but it was a really good laughing session. everything felt funny. and i played basketball. haha. one of the many sports that i have never enjoyed playing.

ok i'm lazy to blog.

TB unit tmr and fkying off on friday (:

11th December 2006

my room has been packed!

it took me so long to get it done. why? becos i always push it away. like how i pushed away studying. =P but it's done and i have so much rubbish to clear! i packed my shelf and the dust was evidence that i havent cleaned my room for a really really really long time. glad that i've finished something that i wanted to do ever since before the A levels.

i'm leaving soon! i'll miss singapore and everyone. but i guess a change of environment would be good. i will eat all the yummy yummy food and i can go to another disneyland! haha. my crazy aim in life: to go to all the disneylands in the world! i'm weird. but its kinda fun. i dunno if i still dare to sit on all those roller coaster rides anymore. i wonder how i got the courage to when i was 12. well i shall attempt to sit on all the rides. since now i'm tall enough unlike 6 years ago.

hmmmm. I WANT PIZZA PARTY TOO!!!!! joey not my fault ok. that jere busy this week la. u go find him. heehee. JERE!!!! when can we have pizza party HUH??? why u all so so so so so busy one? next year i work then really no time already leh! faster find time okies? but after 28th dec okies? heehee. maybe 29th or 31st?

i can finally go out again tmr! its a day with hannah and rena. my 2 nieces. to science centre. and i have totally no idea how to even get there. but i hope we have good weather tmr and that everything turns out fine.

on wed there should be a class gathering. sort of class gathering cos i think many cant make it. but as long as there is a few ppl i guess it would be nice.

ok i have no idea what to write anymore so i'll stop here.

to everyone: take care!

11th December 2006

my room has been packed!

it took me so long to get it done. why? becos i always push it away. like how i pushed away studying. =P but it's done and i have so much rubbish to clear! i packed my shelf and the dust was evidence that i havent cleaned my room for a really really really long time. glad that i've finished something that i wanted to do ever since before the A levels.

i'm leaving soon! i'll miss singapore and everyone. but i guess a change of environment would be good. i will eat all the yummy yummy food and i can go to another disneyland! haha. my crazy aim in life: to go to all the disneylands in the world! i'm weird. but its kinda fun. i dunno if i still dare to sit on all those roller coaster rides anymore. i wonder how i got the courage to when i was 12. well i shall attempt to sit on all the rides. since now i'm tall enough unlike 6 years ago.

hmmmm. I WANT PIZZA PARTY TOO!!!!! joey not my fault ok. that jere busy this week la. u go find him. heehee. JERE!!!! when can we have pizza party HUH??? why u all so so so so so busy one? next year i work then really no time already leh! faster find time okies? but after 28th dec okies? heehee. maybe 29th or 31st?

i can finally go out again tmr! its a day with hannah and rena. my 2 nieces. to science centre. and i have totally no idea how to even get there. but i hope we have good weather tmr and that everything turns out fine.

on wed there should be a class gathering. sort of class gathering cos i think many cant make it. but as long as there is a few ppl i guess it would be nice.

ok i have no idea what to write anymore so i'll stop here.

to everyone: take care!

photos!!

okies so here are some of the photos that i have from prom. but some of them only (:

me and justin

me and alden

ok the rest of the photos are crazy photos taken by donovan after prom!

PROM!!

yesterday was prom.

it was alright.

many many photos were taken.

the food wasnt that nice anyway.

the emcee was ok.

our table position was the worst.

just beside the speakers.

and to make things worse the band's vocals werent that great except for azlyn and yijun.

ok so the day started with me leaving with qing to robertson quay hotel. some budget hotel in clarke quay area. it was small. maybe the first time i stepped into a hotel room like that in singapore. haha. but it wasnt that bad. did make up and hair at the hotel. and like always i loved the make up that the lady did for me. and most of my hair was bunned up in plaits leaving abit of it down. after we were all done, we were sprayed with glitter. then we headed for pan pacific. there was so many ppl that i didnt know or maybe just couldnt recognise. everyone was pretty. and thank goodness no one wore the same dress as me. haha. it took me a while to find ppl but i managed to. the night then started with dinner and stuff. and with blaring music behind me. i went around taking lots of photos too! it was fun. there were the prom kings and queens. and i really wonder why some ppl got chosen for prom king. haha i was SO amused. then i won some lucky draw thing. a one night stay in pan pacific plus some voucher for dining in pan pacific. and isabelle was funny when they served the sharks fin soup. she just went on and on about how sharks were being killed so as to satisfy our wants. she was so so so funny as she stated her argument. hmmm what else... yup me and lappie took photos with mr ng and chen laoshi. after the entire thing when everyone was supposed to dance i went around to find ppl. me and lappie walked around so many times just to find familiar ppl. and i took many many photos again! and we walked around until our feet started feeling pain. after taking so many photos, we left pan pacific. we as in me and lappie and don and sy. and me and lappie and don went to one fullerton and we started to take weird photos but it was fun. we walked and walked and walked all the way to clarke quay area. barefooted. haha. both of us. we walked to asylum, some pub in that area. we stayed ther for a while then i took a cab home with lappie. we reached my home at bout 2 plus i think and we took more than 1 hour to wash up. firstly our hair was so hard and secondly there were so many pins in our hair. i had 19 pins in my hair! i had to wash my hair twice. by the time we were both washed up it was almost 4. and both of us couldnt fall asleep. even though we were both so so tired. so we talked until 6 plus and lappie left. and finally i managed to fall asleep after that.

so i had fun in the end.

and i spent alot of money. ):

time to work soon.

but i guess it can wait till next year. heehee.

i shall enjoy holiday-ing.

so the next thing i can look forward to is going to hong kong!

YAY!

i cant upload my photos.

but i have some here!

ok i'll put it in another entry. :p

24th November 2006

i'm seriously going crazy.


i shall find things to do.


besides housework and sleeping and reading.


i dont think i'll survive.


cant wait to go overseas and leave everything behind.




i suddenly dun feel like going to the choir bbq anymore. mjchoir that is. seriously why do i bother. argh.

val i'm going mad!!!!!!!!!!



i shall be like my mummy and take up some expensive hobby. i shall start learning how to make costume jewellery from her. rite. anyway i have already started cos i have to make my own accessories for prom. so if anyone needs anything can call me. (:

18th November 2006

A levels are over
A levels are over
A levels are over
A levels are over
A levels are over
A levels are over
A levels are over
A levels are over
A levels are over
A levels are over
A levels are over

haha its not really in my mind. it feels weird that i have nothing to do now. haha but its fun to have nothing to do. for now. i hope it remains this way. i'm not gonna talk about how were the papers. because all i'll say is that they were all difficult. very difficult. haha. but i survived it. i've been through it. i dun wanna think about results. thats too scary a thought.

anyway life after A levels is great! i've been shopping for the past few days. i'm going mad. walking in shopping centres and taking the mrt everyday and learning new ways to get to shopping centres. hahaha.

yesterday which was thursday 16th november was the last day of my A levels! Geography human paper was....... difficult. =p after the paper, we had class lunch! surprisingly most of the class went. it was nice seeing the class together. we ha lunch at glass house fish and co. ambience was nice, food was ok, people were funny and people did funny things. i had fun i think. after that we went shopping! me and lappie and sy and don. first to PS then we walked to heeren and to paragon. walked around in search of a pretty prom dress but i didnt find one. and i was so tired. and after the long walk, went back to white sands and to the library. a place that i havent been to for a really really long time. i borrowed 3 novels. the wedding by nicholas sparks, impossible by danielle steel and some other book by stephen king, i cant rmb the title. and i had a nice long rest.

and i woke up at 11.30 today. supposed to meet lappie at 2 to shop at vivo. but my mummy decided to ask em to vacuum the entire house before i leave the house. so i tried to be a good girl and follow her every whim. and i left the house at 1.30. i was late in meeting lappie but we reached there at about the same time. and we walked for about 3 1/2 hours. shopping is great exercise i realised. and i found a pretty dress today! its about $130. its within my budget. i might buy that but i guess i'll look aroung some more. i hope no one gets that dress. cos its really pretty. and after shopping for so so so so long, we went back. and i went to isabelley's choir concert. it was so amusing and it made me miss being in a choir. i miss choir. haha. esp when they sang the song "yesterday". reminded me of la risonanza 3. or is it 2? i cant rmb. =p haha and i didnt eat anything for the entire day. just had some coke and a few pieces of chocolate. until belley came home and i ate a spoon of noodles from her bowl of noodles and some crabsticks. i amaze myself. sometimes.

and my mummy and mei mei learnt nail art today and they made my nails so pretty. they're PINK! hahaha. i love it. and there's flowers on it too! my mummy did my fingernails and my mei mei did my toe nails. heehee. felt so so so so pampered. =p

there's so much more shopping to do! i have to continue my search for the perfect dress even though i think i have already found one. and i have vouchers to use. and i wanna watch movies. so anyone needs company for movies can call me! haha. not that anyone would want my company. =p i wanna watch happy feet and flushed away and just friends and many many more! any movie would be nice i guess as long as its not too boring. i dun mind horror flicks. i wanna watch the grugde 2. hahaha but i must have the money too. =p heehee.

okies i have blabbered enough about my life for today. tmr and sunday i shall be a good girl and clean up my room. and i shall take this time to catch up with all the ppl i havent talked to in ages! haha. okies everyone take care!

i suddenly thot about my multiply account and went to check it out. i found out that jamie always left something behind. thanks jamie for all the stuff that u wrote. haha abit late but ya. i just noticed it u see. i apologise for my blurness. haha.

A levels coming
A levels coming
A levels coming
A levels coming

ok i can do it.

rite.

who am i trying to kid.




back to school tmr!

and back home to mug for geog. i need loads of help. somehow i will pull through. i hope i can.

can't wait for A levels to be over.

about 20 days more.

i will do what i'm supposed to do.

MUG!

24th October 2006

GP is next week. Next thursday. It's scary. I shall not think about it. RIGHT. haha its the only thing on my mind. in a few weeks, it'll all be over. and i can do the many many things that i plan to do. cant wait.


MUG MUG MUG


good luck to all! (:







* its been almost a year. how time flies. *

19th October 2006

thinking.

*

thinking.

*

thinking.

*

i shall stop.

as if thats possible.

i hate A levels.

i hate A levels.

i hate mock exams.

make my neck so pain.

i hate studying.

hate is such a strong word.

i should stop using it.

one of my moody days.

i shall think happy thoughts.


not much to think about.

too many things.

i'm listening to too many chinese songs.

i'm blogging too much.

i'm sleeping too much.

i'm too distracted.

i'm thinking too much.

tell me what to do.

i feel so lost.

rite.

i'm babbling.

maybe i'm just thinking out loud.

haha.

i should stop.

i shall not come online again.

i shall not blog again.

until the 16th of november.





rite.

like thats possible.

i should be more realistic i guess.

i should just make myself love the A levels.

and make myself study like i never studied before.

that sounds realistic.

haha.

ok.


i shall sleep.

its 1.20am and i have consultation at 7.30 tmr.

i shall sleep.

zzzzzzzzzz.






**for once absence isnt making the heart grow fonder**

14th October 2006

i lost the mood to study.

at least i did 2 maths papers.

2 paper 1s.

i feel better about maths.

i feel a little better with geog too.

human geog that is.

i'm still scared about econs.

very scared.

becos i cant do MCQ.

and i cant do essays.

and i cant do case studies.

ok. thats almost everything.

for physical geog i guess its still alrite.

-

baby wong 1st month tmr.

and that means another family gathering!

yay!

-

now i'm all alone at home.

and i'm supposed to be studying.

i feel hungry after smelling the bbq food downstairs.

and i'm stuck at home with leftovers.

so i just ate my carrot cake.

from my lunch.

-

i was looking for prom dresses online just now.

now i have too many choices to choose from.

so horrible.

i shall tailor make my dress soon.

if i can make it on time.

-

after my search for dresses, i started exploring singapore on google earth.

it was so interesting.

and i found out about stuff that i never known about singapore.

-

i'm being random.

typing whatever that comes into my mind.

the house is too quiet for my liking.

thats bad.

cos it means i need the usual noise that is usually present in the house.

ahh!

-

i'm going mad.

save me. rite.

haha.

i shall go.





*u never ever come back. why?*

13th October 2006

GRADUATION DAY!!!

i had so much fun taking photos.

with almost all my classmates and some choir members.

i stayed to watch the choir perform at 12.

then i thot i was going home until i decided to meet val and talk to her.

we talked at her house and reutrned to MJ.

becos she was meeting chingying there.

and also becos of ben.

called joey along but she didnt want to come.

so... i did something evil.

hahaha. val should know whats the "evil" thing.

and after that we went to joey's house.

and we could have walked there but val thot my way was wrong.

but i was right! for once =P

haha stayed in joey's house for a while and rushed back to mj for the second performance by choir.

they were better for the second performance.

and after that, i really went home.

i was so tired.

and i only realised that i havent eaten anything for the day when i reached home.

something's wrong cos i'm losing my appetite.

i have yet to find out why.


anyway an update about prelims.

i didnt do well as of always.

but i at least i didnt get any Fs.

i got all Os.

by luck actually.

for all subjects.

C6 for GP.

so so so so so so so so horrible.

but i shall continue to work harder.

to get all As.

but i know thats like highly unlikely.

i guess i'm entitled to dream about it then. =P

20 something more days. 20 or 21.

i shall study and try to do better during the mock exams.

then i shall do even better for As.

then i can study psychology in NUS.

hahaha.

and i do well i may even be able to apply for some scholarship i guess.

16th November.

it will all end.

can't wait!

i want to do the following:

-shopping!

-going to the zoo with lappie and izyan.

-watch movies at every cinema in singapore.

-prepare for prom!!

-cook sushi and udon for my family.

-bake cookies.

-watch all those korean dramas.

-have pizza parties.

-shopping again!

-find a job and earn money.

-buy my LEVIS jeans with lappie.

-sleep all i want.

-make all the noise that i can at home. (to take revenge, heehee)

-pack my room.

maybe i should start looking for a boyfriend too. oops. =P

haha besides those mentioned above, i havent thot about anything else to do.

but i know that i'll be free on the 16th of november.

hahahahha.

and on the 17th will be going to miss huda's house for dinner.

she's so nice!


i'll miss MJC.

i"ll miss the lessons.

especially maths.

i'll miss lectures.

especially geog lectures, becos they're always funny.

i'll miss A104.

i'll miss choir.

actually i am already missing choir.

i'll miss wearing uniforms.

after leaving JC i will have to start organising my wadrobe.

i'll miss being in the same school as qingqing.

haha touched?

its nice having someone close in the same school.

i'll miss lappie and izyan.

and all those crazy, bimbotic moments.

the times when we will stay in the toilet just for the fan and the times when we will all walk so slowly becos we felt like it.

i'll miss isabelle and jing fang.

and all the intellectual talks that they always have.

and i will never forget the time when they started discussing about volcanoes and plate tectonics in the middle of presneting their mahts solutions on the white board.

i'll miss abigail, the classmate i know for the longest period of time. (besides aifung)

and all the funny things she always do.

i'll miss PE lessons.

at the fitness corner.

and those times when lappie and me will skip, walk around the track just to pick "flowers" for izyan.

I'LL MISS EVERYTHING!!!

well with some exceptions. heehee.



for now i shall study hard.

very very hard.

and create a miracle.

somehow.

i must get my triple As.

if not triple, 2 As would be fine. =P

hahaha.

to all those taking A or O levels.

study hard and all the best for the A levels.

to val: i have faith in you! u will definitely do well!



lets see, i have to mention something random here.

something happened.

and the outcome was disastrous.

many were hurt.

and it so reminds me of the misunderstanding issue i had in sec 4.

sometimes when u do stuff, u will have to consider the consequences.

you dun ask for forgiveness after causing the hurt that you have inflicted.

thats downright dumb.

all the false accusations and unnecessary worry and concern that you have made.

it really makes a persons day.

in the end, you will be at the losing end.

* this didnt happen to me but if u know what i'm talking about, you'll understand. and i'm not blaming you or anything. just some things that u should have really thought about before doing what u have done.

okies to everyone, take care!

anything pls call me okies?

and pls call my new number ya.

cos if u call me at my old number, u will end up talking to my younger sister.

but both ways i'll be contactable!

okies bye!

28th September 2006

tired.





so very very tired.

22nd September 2006

i loved today!!!

however today didnt start that well.

before i left the house, my mum smsed me to ask me to find her watch.

then i searched the house.

i called her to tell her that i couldnt find it.

she told me to search again.

then i went to search again.

after 5 mins, she called to tell me that the watch was in her pocket.

IN HER POCKET!

ok so i left the house after that.

i missed 19 and 81 and i didnt want to take 21 cos i would have to cross the overhead bridge.

i reached novena at about 12.30 i think.

then i walked out.

for a while i thot i would be able to remember the way.

then i forgot how to.

i felt so dumb.

i walked out.

nothing seemed familiar so i turned back.

and i realised that there is no where to go if i turned back, so i walked out again.

i wandered around and tried to find something familiar and after a while i realised where i was.

haha i seriously felt dumb.

anyway i think i was in the TB place for less than 20 mins.

compared to the previous appointment, it is so so so short.

and my next appointment is on 3rd of nov.

they really seem to know which days i dun need to go to school and when i'm free.

argh.

and they somewhat said me for reaching the place at that time.

they asked why i come so late when i dun need to go school.

i just kept quiet.

why i went so late? cos i need my sleep.

ok anyway after that i went to walk around in united square.

the shopping centre where i used to go for chinese tuition.

the place has changed alot.

nicer in fact.

then after walking thru the entire place i went back to whitesands and waited for val and QX.

sakae was fun.

really fun.

and after that went to jere's house and then went home.

joey, val and QX came over for a while and we chatted for a while and they went home.

i had alot of fun.

reminded me of the times when we always went home as a huge group.

those were the days.



*everyone is waiting for soemthing in their lives. i'm just waiting for you. what are you waiting for?*

21st September 2006

ok i didnt mug alot.

i dun feel guilty about.

i spent a few hours staring at the maths paper 1.

thats about it.



i was blog hopping. (if there is such a phrase)

i went from one blog to another.

read many many blogs.

realised many many new things.

thought about many many other things.

i realised how fragile some things are.

i suddenly feel like sitting on a swing.

they should make one in the playground here.

anyway, i just realised stuff.

happy memories.

thats nice isnt it?

so many memories that are hard to forget.

it seems like only yesterday.

somehow.

i miss those days.

but i have to move on rite.



i'm starting to think too much again.

argh.

21st September 2006

i'm stuck at home with nothing to do.

well except to study and study some more.

i should continue to mug soon.

when i feel like it.

argh. my daddy just called to check if i'm studying.

sometimes i wonder if he knows how torturing it is to study continuously.

ok. i shall go mug. since i'm going out tmr.

have to go for check up tmr.

i really hope i rmb how to get there.

haha.

i'm that forgetful.

i shall go figure out and hopefully i wont get lost.

sometimes i wonder how 2 people can feel the same way about someone.

ok i dun make sense.



ok i'm curious about who STILL reads my blog.
haha ok. so tag after reading.
that was random.

okies! back to my mugging world!

19th September 2006

PRELIMS ARE OVER!!!!!
----------


i reached home happy today.

but as usual my day was spoilt.

it left me angry and hurt at the same time.

angry that i lost my temper again.

hurt that she makes me feel like she really doesnt care.

i went down to swim.

each lap i swam, i swam as fast as i could.

hoping that everything would go away.

hoping that the anger, the hurt and the tears will disappear.

but they didnt.

how naive i was.

you know what, i wanna stop trying to please you because nothing i do ever satisfies you.

nothing is ever good enough.

and all i want is to make u happy.

thats all i really want.
----------

enough about all that.

cant wait for friday!

haha.

the big big gathering =p

but i have to go for check up before that.

hmph.

and i also wanna go shopping before that.

as in before the gathering.

haha ok.

well, at least i have something nice to look forward to.

18th September 2006

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

maths was super bad today.

cant get over it.

and there's geog tmr.

and ECONS!

hmph.

i give up studying for econs.

i shall focus on geog.

i think i can.

i need to scream.

argh.

have to wake up early tmr.

after so long of waking up late.

haha.

and i'm gaining weight.

thats scary.

hais.

i shall go study.

more geog.

15th September 2006

i received this email from izyan. some really interesting questions (:

----------
Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart, are real weak and most susceptible?

Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need someone to protect them?

Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are: I love you, Sorry and help me

Did you know that those who dress in red are more confident in themselves?

Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those that enjoy their beauty?

Did you know that those who dress in black, are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding?

Did you know that when you help someone, the help is returned in two folds?

Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writing than saying it to someone in the face? But did you know that it has more value when you say it to their face?
----------

true to a certain extent. judge for yourself (:







i cant seem to sit down and study today.

the weather was perfect for sleeping.

heehee.

i wanted to swim but it was too cold.

so i went to the poolside and studied with lappie.

for about 2 hours until we both got too distracted to study and she left.

haha it was too cold downstairs.

but peaceful in a way (:

okies i shall attempt to study soon (:

14th September 2006

NO MORE EXAMS FOR THIS WEEK!

haha.

i can wake up later tomorrow!

my daddy's comment to that was "you are already waking up quite late these few days..."

haha quite true.

i think i will find it hard to wake up at 6 plus to go for lessons. =p

the 3 papers that i have taken so far were super horrible.

maths wasnt that bad i guess.

it was geog that was horrible.

somehow i did alot of climate questions when i didnt study for climate.

sound quite screwed up rite.

but i spotted the right coastal question!

heehee but i was too tired to finish writing about sea cliff retreat.

and there wasnt really enough time.

i spent my first hour doing 2 DRQs.

when we were supposed to limit ourselves to 18mins to each DRQ.

then i spent half an hour trying to complete 3 DRQs.

sounds wrong rite.

then i spent the 1 hour plus doing my 2 essays.

45 mins with the coastal one and 30 mins to do the rocks and landforms one.

i had totally no idea wat the question for the rocks and landforms was asking for.

so i crapped my way thru.

remaining time was spent trying to figure out how to answer the remaining DRQs that weren't completed.

it wasnt completed even when i handed them in.

due to a horrible headache i was having.

but i have no regrets and i'm quite looking forward to the human geog paper.

becos i really studied hard for it.

heehee.

the econs essay was full of macroeconomics.

it was the first time i wrote so much.

i hope it pays off.

obviously quantity isnt everything but i think i had some content at least.

haha i just pray for the best.

maths was fun in a way.

for once i wasnt really panicking until the last half an hour.

i hope i didnt make any careless mistakes.


ok i'm looking forward to next weeks papers.

then it'll be over.

but its just prelims.

there's still the horrible A levels in less than 2 months.

ARGH.





today is my daddy and mummy's wedding anniversary.

and to celebrate it, they brought us to jumbo seafood at east coast for dinner.

it was yummy.

and i'm so full!

heehee.

i'm tired but i dun wanna sleep.

heehee.

to everyone, take care and all the best for the remaining papers (:

10th September 2006

i didnt study much today.

i was trying to finish a novel.

One Perfect Rose by Mary Jo Putney.

a wonderfully written story.

it was a love story with an amazing storyline and an unexpected ending.

thats what i love about these kind of novels.

their unexpected ending.

for movies too.

i cant stand movies with no endings.

haha i should stop with my nonsense.

10th September 2006

lets see.

tomorrow is the last day to study for econs essay.

i need a miracle.

a really huge one.

haha.

and what am i left with to study for?

hydrology.

climate and atmosphere.

maths.

doesnt seem like much.

but i really dun love climate and hydro alot.

its better than econs though.

but it's 2 really boring core topics.

ahhh!

i'll try to memorise every single detail.

prelims will be over on the 19th of september.

thats good motivation.

i think.

or maybe i should say i choose to believe.

i choose to delude myself.

as of always.

1st September 2006

10 more days to prelims.

i'm so dead.

i dun care.

for now.

i'm tired for no particular reason.

hais.

went back to coral yesterday.

i realised so many things.

too many in fact.

i always thought the best years of my education was in secondary school.

they were my worst years too.

i thought i had many friends.

but i was wrong.

i thought i built many friendships.

but i was wrong.

i thought i had wonderful memories.

but i was wrong.

becos they're all gone.

i went with ben.

we walked into school.

it was empty.

everyone was in the hall.

then we went backstage to say hi to val and joey.

and we went back down.

i saw ling miin and doreen.

i didnt expect to see them.

but i did.

and i didnt expect to talk to them.

and they didnt.

they said hi and walked away.

so typically them isnt it.

didnt see anyone who i wanted to see.

i should have stayed home to mug.

but the main thing that i want to say today is that i'm grateful for the "friends" i have.

in inverted commas cos you arent really friends, but more than friends.

haha cannot think of the word. =p

for quite a while, my msn nick has been "i just wanna say..."

so today, i shall type out all the things that i wanna say to those special ppl in my life!

in no particular order ( actually those from coral first la huh...)

to JERE
i just wanna say thanks for everything! for bearing with my nonsense and listening to my complains. and that i'll always be there for u no matter what happens. we'll always be the 2 gere/jere =p

to KHALIS
i just wanna say thanks too. for ur madnesss in choir. where are u ar? u seem to have disappeared for a long long time. and thanks for the advice u have sometimes given me! though u havent in a long time.

to JAMIE
i just wanna say U WERE SUPPOSED TO ORGANISE A PIZZA PARTY! but ya i having prelims soon ar... so pizza party another time. thanks for the crazy things u've done. u always quiet quiet one but u are amusings at times, maybe all the time =p

to JOEY
i just wanna say i enjoyed that one year in coral with u. sometimes i hope to be back there schooling again but everything happens for a reason. soon u'll be the only reason why i will go back to coral but we will meet up often okies? dun think too much and u better start mugging!

to VAL
i just wanna say..........haha i dunno how to start. you've been great. as a friend, more like a sister in fact. THANKS for everything. the letters that u write are wonderful pieces of encouragement i guess. haha. do well for prelims and Os and we'll enjoy after that =p

to QIU XUAN
i just wanna say you are my "idol". you mug so hard that i make u my role model. i aim to be like u for the next few months. 2 months actually. haha. i will nv forget ur loudness. haha but i'm sure u'll do well for Os. i guess. i'll make myself free on ur day! haha.

to JEROME
i just wanna say thanks for offering a listening ear at the most unexpected time. haha. i will be a bit bitchy as u suggested. but thanks anyway.

to SAM
i just wanna say you made a difference to my secondary sch life! thanks =)

to CHUYUN
i just wanna say you were a wonderful friend whom i nv ever regretted having!

to anyone else who i havent mentioned---to those who have made a difference.
i just wanna say THANKS

to anyone who i have offended--- i shouldnt put names.
i just wanna say i'm sorry, i guess.

now to the jc ppl. hmmm this is gonna be hard.

to QING! aka my wonderful cousin.
i just wanna say thank you for eveything. from the first day of schooling today until today. i still rmb u were introducing me to all ur sec sch friends. =p haha.

to LAPPIE
i just wanna say you're a great person to be with. we have so much in common that i find it amazing. haha. thanks for everything.

to IZYAN
i just wanna say you've been great company. thanks!

to ABIGAIL
i just wanna say thanks for staying back with me for most of the time =) haha you're a really nice person to talk to anyway.

to AIK BOON/himbo
i just wanna say you're a true blue himbo. and ur pics are nice =p

to J. HUI
i just wanna say thanks for everything. i shant repeat wat i told u. haha but its thanks to u that i'm doing this!

to CHERILYN
i just wanna say thanks for everything. it's been great having u around =)

to RUI HONG
i just wanna say thanks for all the time u spent talking to me when i was bored. =p

to the CHOIR
i just wanna say i have no regrets joining it. =)

hmmm
did i miss out anything?

**thinking**

i dun think so rite.

oh to my FAMILY.
i just wanna say I LOVE YOU!!

haha ok.

thats all for now.

it's one long entry.

i should get rid of the habit of blogging and coming online.

soon.

REAL SOON.

haha okies. bye!

30th August 2006

HELLO!

haha i'm back to blog agin.

well, its been alot of mugging so far.

i hope it'll be useful.

11 days to prelims.

1st paper -> econs paper 3.

thats gonna be one MOTIVATING paper.

but thats how its gonna be.

come to think of it, i havent studied for econs.

so far its only geog and maths.

economic geography.

see the contrast.

i'm amazed at myself.

i find economic geog interesting but i dun like econs.

there's definitely something really wrong with me.

but i dun really care. =p

an eventful week so far?

i guess it can be considered so.

there was val's birthday.

it's amazing how one can get so touched by the little things that others do.

i was on the bus today.

this little girl boarded the bus but she didnt have enough money in her ezlink card.

she approached the first lady she saw and asked if she had shillings to spare.

sadly she immediately said no.

then this little girl approached the next lady and that lady gave her the shillings unconditionally.

why the different reactions?

i wonder.

but that lady made a difference to that little girl's day.

it made me smile.

next time if someone were to approach you on the bus and ask for coins, would u do the same?

i would.

why?

because if it were to happen to me, i would so appreciate it if someone were to give me those coins.

it makes a difference.

i'm almost done with economic geog.

the rest of the human geog topics would be pretty easy to smoke thru i guess.

its all down to my physical geog.

me vs climate.

me vs hydrology.

i'll try.

rocks and landforms are part f me i guess.

can remember.

oh and there's coastal.

still need to memorise coral reef stuff.

and there's econs.

and more econs.

and i'm gonna drag myself to study it.

soon.

haha.



i went home early today.

after studying for 4 hours straight for geog.

** anyway, a random point, the school decided to have this emergency thing today.
at 9 plus.
i should have gone to school at 10.
something made me wanna go so early.
i wonder what that is.

continuing, i went to buy my lunch and went home.

then i wanted to go by the pool to study but it started to rain so i slept for like 40 mins.

when i woke up, it was still raining.

so i went to bath.

then i went down to study, even though it was still raining.

i did my maths for bout 2 hours plus, until it was too cold for me.

then at bout 8.30, i went down to study again.

but some cats decided to scare me.

i was studying when this cat suddenly jumped onto the chair next to mine.

and to make matters worse, the other table has another cat on the chair too.

so i went back home again.

and now i'm here!

haha.

i shall do maths again later.

i guess.







maybe i would be surprised.
maybe i would be happy.
maybe i would feel satisfied.
maybe i would be the happiest that i've ever been.

i wouldnt know unless it happens.




haha tmr's celebration for teachers day is in school.
i'm not surprised =p
hahahaha.

17th August 2006

ahhhhhhhh! my right arm hurts. quite badly.

i shouldnt have swam.

so intensively.

hmph.

i think i pulled a muscle.

cos its damn pain.

ok. enough bout that. i had a happy day today. PE was fun. i did random stuff with lappie. first we decided to provide elicia with moral support but we ended up not doing so. so we went for one round around the track thing. i skipped. lappie had a slow walk. and we played with mimosas (until i realised that there were ppl playing soccer in the field and i quickly moved away to avoid getting hit by the ball) and collected flowers. then we went to the fitness corner. and we went to the basketball court then back to the fitness corner. i had a good laugh from what isabelle was saying. she's funny. =p then we had a long and draggy maths lecture and after which there was GP.

miss huda was talking about this essay question. the question was:"Is the idea of having one partner for life still a realistic one?" i believe it is a realistic idea. but amazingly there were more points that are against this idea. which was pretty interesting for me. she was saying that the modern society is currently very time consuming and stressful and stuff. and that the society is more open minded. also there is the mass media that plays a part. and the last point was technology. that point was kinda interesting. she was saying that smses and the internet makes it easier for people to have affairs. saying that people could send flirtatious smses and stuff. its kinda true. but well what do u think? is the idea still a realistic one?

after school, i went to make new specs! haha. its something that is different. i guess. but i think its nice (= i spent abit too much time choosing it and was stuck between the pink frameless one and the dark purple framed one. haha. in the end i decided on the dark purple one. heehee.

and as i am typing, my arm still hurts. when i sms, it hurts too. this is so crappy. i should start studying. haha. okies take care!

14th August

ok i'm so not supposed to be online. but then again, i just felt like blogging. i feel so cold in the aircon room. anyway today was fun. i was quite hyper. i ran. 3 rounds. without feeling tired. i think i'm going crazy. and i actually managed to study for bout 1 hour plus, doing my maths diligently( i suppose =p) and the stats lectures are beginning to come back to me. i see some hope now. and i feel a little more motivated than before. i decided to just focus on studying and nothing else. just studying. and dreaming about studying psychology. i shall attempt to study more in school. it seems to be more effective and less distracting. rite.

ok another random point. sunday is miss huda's wedding lunch thing. it sounds nice. she invited us. and now i have to figure out what to wear. haha but thats the least of my worries. =p

okies back to studying!

11th August 2006

ok another random point.

i feel guilty for not mugging,

and now i feel like doing intensive practice for maths.

maybe later.

i'll stay awake till i'm totally drained.

then i'll go sleep.

so if anyone's bored between now and later in the morning, feel free to sms.

i'll glady amuse u.







and another note, i'll be attempting to mug for the next couple of weeks so not may entries will be posted (: u wanna noe bout my well being, just sms. my new number ok. heehee.

11th August 2006

its another thinking too much day for me. so bear with me. if not, dun bother to read the entry.




since yesterday, i started thinking. cos val wanted some adjectives for her song composing. then we started talking about the past. so many things have happened and gone. not forgotten though.

**betrayal**

**hurt**

**test of trustworthiness**

**love**

**rejection**

**success**

**failures**

**losses**

**choices**

there's so many many more but i cant list them all. its just all flowing back. everything that has happened since i stepped into coral. until now. so many things have changed. friendships were formed and some tragically lost but yet found again after time. enemies made. hatred formed, many forgotten. its so hard to forget those happy times i had in choir and with the many people i can call my friends. times in the prefectorial board. fights/ conflicts i created with them. the constant arguments that were made by me. all my nonsensical nonsense. i miss those times. all the camps and gazing at the stars with samantha. at the parade square in the middle of the night. the choir camp that was planned by me and khalis and jere and jamie. that was the best camp ever. the games we played. the nite walk was funny. the campfire was fantastic. everything was nice. and i still remember we were sleeping at the basketball court. there are still so many other things. the choir practices, with the late mdm ong. those were the best. those will never ever be forgotten. the hard work put in to do our best for syf. but we still got bronze but it was the experience that was priceless i guess. the constant practices we had to put in to do our best for the syf opening, performances and stuff. the musical, we did in my last year. though it wasnt that successful, i so enjoyed myself. i may have been quite irritating while ordering the members around but its my duty i guess. thats all bout my choir experience in coral. all the memories all here with me. always kept close.

studies and stuff was the least of my worries. though there was constant inflow of stress from my parents, afraid that i was spending too much time with school activities (when now i come to think of it, it really feels like i have spent alot of time with the school activities but i had so much fun). they put so much stress on my level positions, constantly pushing me for better results (though they dun say it, i feel the pressure). so many many things. the scoldings i used to get when my level position was above 80th position out of the 200 students there were. my dad always made it a point to compare. i couldnt do anything but study harder i guess.

now things are so different. there's no such thing as level positions. no more scoldings from my daddy when i do badly. he just talks to me. nags at me. sometimes i wish he would just scold me so badly that i feel motivated to study. theres no motivation for me to study now. though i want so badly to study psychology in NUS. i see no meanign in doing so. i wonder why. maybe its the constant failing. making my future look so bleak. i seriously doubt i can make it. i really wonder. i really wonder what i will do if i ever fail. i will disappoint the people who had faith in me. my dad and mum. my relatives. but most importantly i will disappoint myself.

the things that lie beyond that smile.
smiles. laughter. tears of joy. signs of happiness that ppl see almost everyday. yet deep inside of me i feel no such happiness. sometimes laughing feels more like a chore then a natural reaction to me. why? i dunno myself. maybe i have just kept too much in me. i see no point in telling everyone my troubles, the emotions i feel inside anymore. no one would ever ever understand i guess. i keep so much inside that i have sudden outbreaks of tears like the one had on 02082006. that was sudden. it was the breaking point. and now i'm back to keeping things to myself again. its just me. and my bad habits.

everything's happening so quickly. there's like less than a month to prelims and after that maybe about a month to As. i'm so not prepared. and now i'm thinking about other things that do not have anything to do with my studies. i took my memories. of the past heartbreaks (or maybe the hearts that i have broken). i threw them away. but i realised that i couldnt let go. there are still so many smses that i'm keeping. the longest one i've kept is the one u sent me on 18012005. that was the beginning of last year. its been so so long. and i wanna let go. NOW. but its so hard. and i sometimes ask myself "are u feeling the same way too?" i dunno if i want to know the answer to that question. i think i have found someone else. like i say, i think. cos i'm not too sure myself. about this new someone, i hope its not a one sided thing. i seriously hope so. so if it really is a one sided thing, please at least have the courtesy to tell me so. i dun think i have the strength to take the rejection.



betrayal. one thing that i hate the most. its been a long time since that incident. but its somehow still quite fresh in my mind. secrets. backstabbing. ignorance. and it all left bad impressions of me in the minds of ppl. i became the "bad one" over a short period of time. that year was the worst year i had to go thru. but its all over rite? i thank my lucky stars for all those who were standing by me and helping me thru those times. (:




all the very random stuff that i'm feeling now. they may not have links to each other but ya, thats me.

=====

ok enough randomness from me. today the doctor gave me 42 tablets to last me for the next 6 weeks. he seems to know when i dun have to go to school cos the next appointment is a non schooling day too. its so amazing. it was the same doctor that looked so blur the other time i went for the check up. waited so long for my turn. thank goodness i had company :) someone who made me walk the long way to the TB centre. and discovered that i was afraid of tickles. but then again he was good company i guess. thanks again!

to val (if u ever read this =p), things dun always go the way u want them to. and also everything happens for a reason! just retake and dun put too much stress on yourself. and dun focus too much on that subject only k? heehee take care and i'll give u a letter soon!

okies to everyone take care and smile always!

10th August 2006

ok. this entry is for VALERIE and QIUXUAN who have been asking for an entry. i not see free to update day but i'll try to update as many times as possible okies?

lets start with today. i woke up at like 8 plus to do my econs. i realised that i dun really noe anything. i thought i knew but i actually dun. so screwed up. and there's less than a month to the beginning of prelims. i'm starting to feel the urgency to study. cos its like after prelims there's only bout 1 month before the actual A levels. anyway after doing econs for like 2 hours plus i gave up. the case studies are hard. and the essays that miss lim gave made no sense to me. at 2, joey, val and QX came. we were supposed to study. i was studying at first. about the ITCZ and stuff. then i read through about the different kinds of atmospheric stuff. and after eating lunch with them at bout 3 plus, i couldnt really think anymore. so i started to copy qns from the past year papers and analysing them so that i knew what to actually focus on. and we talked and talked and joey spread her 'dun feel like studying' mood to everyone and val started composing songs and QX kept going on with her 'ammonia, nitrate....'. Today's meeting up was great. we should really do it again. but maybe we should do it differently--if u get what i mean.

so now i'm home - alone. my parents out to see the chinese physician. pig tan is out watching singapore idol. belly is in school. and i'm stuck at home. and i'm supposed to be studying. cos i wanna watch tv later. the singapore idol, 9pm show and project runway! haha ok that was random.

8th of august. national day eve. had a cousins outing. heehee. went for sakae sushi lunch and abit of shopping. then went to watch the fireworks at esplanade area, somewhere near gluttons bay. there were so many ppl that it was kinda scary but it was worth the trip. the fireworks were beautiful! i wanna see tomorrow's one but i doubt i'll be allowed to go out. the trip home was bad. there were so many ppl everywhere. but still managed to make our way back. i came home with many blisters. i wore the wrong shoes out. for the entire day. hais. i learnt my lesson. dun wear that pair of shoes for intensive walking.

tomorrow is gonna be another long long day. but i'm looking forward to it. (:

4th August 2006

AND I"M BACK TO BLOG!

ok. lets see. i told myself no more Fs anymore. and guess wat. my 1st lecture test after mid years i got an F. again! time to create some plan like maybe some plan to save myself. the save myslef plan. i shall study in school everyday after school. i will do all the maths that i can find. but before that i have to complete all my tutorials and stuff. then i have to go for all the consultations that i can get. ( my dad is seriously pestering me to get consultation periods with every subject teacher, i guess he feels the stress too, after talking to miss lai ) anyway back to the topic. and my weekends are reserved for geog and econs. to do alot alot of essays and drqs for geog and alot alot of memorising. not as if my brain is a sponge but then again it has to be done i guess. no choice. i wanna do psychology! ya. so no other choice. i was telling pig tan that if i cant be a psychologist, i will be a chef. she started laughing at me. well, i dunno. its just me. argh digressing again. and my gp. i shall get hold of many many compres to improve. thats the plan. the only thing stopping me is my energy level. i have a great tendency to sleep whenever i dun wanna study and i cant sit still when i'm studying and i start munching stuff when i'm studying. ( my mummy bought me chocolates to make me study at home ) so the chocolates are easily available to me and i keep eating and i'm growing fat. i'm too lazy to swim. basically to exercise so i should eat less. haha. i'm talking rubbish. as of always.

28th july 2006

walking in the rain made me think. too much. again. the memories just kept flowing in. hais. i should focus on something else in future. i so screwed up maths again. algebra was supposed to be one of my strongest besides curve sketching but i guess i just didnt put in enough thinking and i didnt practice! so quite wasted. couldnt even complete a single qns. as for that DE test, i was super careless, which is what i usually am, i drew the wrong graph just because i didnt see the y^2. argh! and i know how to draw y^2 graphs. i drew the y graph instead of y^2. the wonderful careless me. on tuesday, did this gp essay thing and ms huda said my paragraphs were too short for her liking, then i had to redo the entire thing all over again. so it evolved from like 4 paragraphs a page to 2 paragraphs a page kinda thing. i was amazed but i dun think i'll do well cos i sort of crapped my way thru and it really wasnt a qns that i would ever attempt. the qns was "The most worthwhile job is the one with the least financial gain. Do u agree?" i only do family qns and sometimes mass media. maybe thats why i always do so badly. cos i only choose those qns that majority of the popn does. its just me.

went back to coral today. supposedly to talk to val but didnt really talk much. but then again it was fun. they were doing stuff for national day celebrations. they did this movements for the song " reach out for the skies" or something and val or joey said i taught them that last year but i have seriously no memory on how to do the movements for that song. shows how well my memory is functioning. it was only last year and i rmb teaching them. haha. sometimes i really amaze myself.

i'm doing ultimate frisbee for PE. its really fun. esp with jon jon on the opposing team. haha. he's tall and he'll purposely throw the frisbee above me but that isnt the point. its the way he reacts that it really amusing. one of the reasons why i actually enjoy PE in the hot blazing sun and the muddy field. haha.

okies pizza party on 10th Aug rite? i'm so looking forward to it. to val and QX: all the best for choir auditions (: quite glad that u guys are going for auditions actually. i'll meet u on that day ya!


and as for the anonymous person, i think u should really stop showering people with those horrible remarks. it just makes u sound really pathetic. it makes me feel that u are screwing up people's lives becos ur life is super screwed up and u cant do anything bout ur own life. so pls just stop ur nonsense and move on with ur life.

to those who are feeling affected by him/her/it, pls dun let him/her/it ruin ur day (: smiles!





***sometimes i just wanna noe how u're feeling inside. i really wonder if u ever read my blabberings. just wondering.***

23rd July 2006

had a great time yest. though it was kinda chaotic. but it was alrite. the talk with miss lai though was pretty scary to me. she kept going on about how quiet i was and i should be more proactive and ask more questions and ask for consultations. but she just cant understand that i really really dun like to go for consultations. its just me. again. its always me. and to make matters worse, i met miss huda on my way out. with my daddy. and he started talking to her and she went on and on about how quiet i am in class and agreeing with miss lai that i should go for consultations. anyway i have a reason to go shopping. but that will be after the As i guess cos i have some shopping voucher from takashimaya. i dunno wat to buy from there actually. i just wanna shop. haha.

it's been so long that i've forgotten how it feels like to fall in love

a great day i guess. i couldnt ask for anything more. a simple day spent with the ones i really care for. thats what i really want. the simple stuff for the really simple me. went to school and received stuff from j.hui, xingquan and my class 05a104 and from isabelle and pig tail. thanks guys i really appreciate it (: after school we had chocolate cake bought by miss huda. and i was trying my very best to cut the cake in a proper manner but i think it turned out to be in irregular pieces. luckily no one complained i guess. went to bugis later in the afternoon with lappie first then izyan joined us. bought stickers for my phone and bought a sock for my phone and bought earrings! haha. really really enjoyed myself. thanks lappie and izyan. after that went for dinner with my family at the SIA sports club and i finally can go into that jackpot room. i stared at my mummy while she was playing and i was trying to understand the game but i really couldnt and i felt giddy after staring at the screen. and now i'm home. feeling really tired.

u came in as silently as u left.

21st July 2006

a great day i guess. i couldnt ask for anything more. a simple day spent with the ones i really care for. thats what i really want. the simple stuff for the really simple me. went to school and received stuff from j.hui, xingquan and my class 05a104 and from isabelle and pig tail. thanks guys i really appreciate it (: after school we had chocolate cake bought by miss huda. and i was trying my very best to cut the cake in a proper manner but i think it turned out to be in irregular pieces. luckily no one complained i guess. went to bugis later in the afternoon with lappie first then izyan joined us. bought stickers for my phone and bought a sock for my phone and bought earrings! haha. really really enjoyed myself. thanks lappie and izyan. after that went for dinner with my family at the SIA sports club and i finally can go into that jackpot room. i stared at my mummy while she was playing and i was trying to understand the game but i really couldnt and i felt giddy after staring at the screen. and now i'm home. feeling really tired.

u came in as silently as u left.

18th July 2006

My Friendster Horoscope for Today
The Bottom Line
Get ready to find new insights toward a particularly confusing work situation now.
In Detail
Your work or school environment has been interesting (but also a bit challenging) lately, but that changes today. You discover a few new insights on the motivation behind the odd actions of others. There are things you never knew before, things that should clear everything up and things that give you a sneak peak about what could be coming next. This advance information will prepare you for an opportunity you've been waiting for.

its interesting how true these things can be.

i'll be back to blog about this when i have the mood to.

14th July 2006

have i ever mentioned that sometimes i hate myself for expecting too much from myself ?

it sounds like a really dumb thing to do. it seems that the more i push myself, the more disappointed i get if i fail in whatever i'm doing. i'm some sort of a perfectionist i guess. i have that feeling of dissatisfaction when what i had in mind doesnt happen when i really expect it to. i'm so screwed up. sometimes i really cant stand myself.

14th July 2006

this week has been an eventful one i guess. it's a really bad week for me. results came back and i actually predicted correctly what i would get. F for everything. geography, maths and econs. i really dun understand why i got those grades given the fact that i studied really really hard for it. its the worst results ever. but i have to forget this and move on. somehow its hard but i'll have to try. i guess.

do u ever get the feeling that sometimes its really wrong to express your own feelings? i feel that way. somehow it just makes me feel that its wrong to show that u are really really sad inside cos it will just affect the people around u. i really dunno how to say it but i hope it sounds the way that i wanted it to sound like.

my body has been aching like mad since tuesday. after monday's PE. monday i played badminton with lappie and tuesday i woke up to realise that my right arm muscle hurt. and to make matters worse, my ankle started giving me problems too. maybe i'm too heavy or something but i hope it isnt so. maybe its just the stupid ankle that is wrong somewhere. then there was this occassional cough and the sudden loss of taste. i couldnt taste the taste of the soup my mummy made. and she says there's something wrong with me. but i dun agree with her. ok then there was thursday's PE. apparently we were late for lesson and we had to do so many push ups. and my arms now feel like they are not attached to my shoulders. and today i dragged myself around school, walking at a really slow pace. then there was the TB skin test thing. i really dun understand why some said that it isnt painful cos it was painful. it reminded me why i was afraid of injections. after that went home and just fell asleep on my comfy bed. until qing woke me up to go for a swim. it was awfully cold and i couldnt really swim properly becos of my aching arms. so i just soaked up the coldness of the water for like that one hour or so.

i went to whitesands to meet val, QX, yongkit and ah meng( i really dunno his real name and i have been calling him that ever since he entered coral). anyway ah meng decided to do something really racist and he got confronted by one particular indian guy who seemed to have had a really bad day cos he was really fierce. i shall not blog much about it. apparently val and QX have had a bad week too and they were constantly talking bout the bad times and i was constantly trying to understand what they were trying to say and which situation they were talking about. it was fun though. took a bus home with QX and she talked alot as of always and she has really matured in her thinking! the situations in which she has got herself into has really made her change for the better i assume. but she's different. really different. as for val, besides her haircut, nth mauch ahs changed rite =p haha thats the way i will always remember her as, the one who always talks openly about how she feels. haha.

next week is gonna be as eventful as this week i guess. 20th july would be my class time with miss lai and i assume that on the 22nd there will be the meet the parents thing. it'll be interesting i guess. given the fact that about 9 ppl have the same results as me.

i have been studying in school for mos tof the days this week and its really tiring though i cant really say that i've studied alot during that time. i feel super duper tired whenever i go home and things that happen at home can really agitate me so i try my very best to control my temper and stuff but sometimes it seems totally impossible. and i also try to get as much sleep as i can get cos my eyebags i feel are getting worse. but it doesnt really matter to me now.




the things that lie beyond that smile.

11th July 2006

i'm going to get so many Fs. i failed my gp essay. i failed my gp compre. i failed my econs mcq. i failed my econs essay. the probability of passing maths is like impossible. geog is even worse. i'm a huge failure! my report card is just gonna show 1 C6 and 3Fs. so i asked my dad to make himself free on 22nd july so that he can go see either my CT or miss lai. my life is so horrible. i'm seriously hopeless. i need so much help. i studied. it doesnt show, does it? stupid. thats me. really stupid. but i have to move on and do well for everything. the probability of doing well is once again really small.

i'll be studying. less sleep. less TV. less social life. then again what social life do i have? ok just less of everything. study study study. hope it'll work.

i wont blog that often anymore i guess.

9th July 2006

its one of those days when i cant stop thinking. sometimes i wish val could be here to lecture me to stop thinking. val see how impt u are =p

something that i'm supposed to forget. so as to move on. but it keeps coming but. not frequently though. just occassionally. why does it happen this way? why cant u get out of my mind? why cant i stop thinking? why? maybe i should find something else to think about. maybe that would solve the problem. i hope it will. so the next thing is that wat else can i think about? nothing seems nice to think about. all the nice things i think about seem to be really unrealistic and it feels like some kind of fantasy. one thought leads to another. and another thought leads to so many more thoughts. this is really irritating.

9th July 2006

went out yest. with whole family+qingqing. went to orchard to shop. and then went for qingqing's recital thing and then went for dinner. woke up at 8 to study on saturday and i did the MYE 2006 maths paper 1 all over again until qns 8 and i could do most of it. its so frustrating! it always happens. hais. my daddy says i'm fat and need to exercise more. hais. i suggested to him that i might be staying in school to study after school. i slept thru the most of today. then just before we went for dinner he says that i really need to study more in school so i will sleep less and study more.

thursday during maths, miss lai came and started talking about results. maths results. then thursday miss wong talked about econs studying and stuff. guess really will have to study and study. sacrifices will be made and a miracle should be created. no, a miracle must be created to save me.

mugging starts tomorrow. anyone wanna join me? =p

7th July 2006

just had a very fulfilling dinner though i didnt have much appetite. my appetite seems to have disappeared since last week. its scary somehow. but then again its just me.

lets me talk about thursday. in the morning, the clouds were beautiful though i felt as if they were about to fall onto me. but it was an unusual sight i guess. its because of the monsoon winds as i have learnt today. then there was GP and we received our essay back. i din do well. i expected it. apparently i did a wrong structure for my essay and got penalised for it. then there was maths lecture. they started on some differential equation thing. i know nothing. and i got cut by paper. horrible. then econs there was this test. i din complete it. as of always.

i shalll continue another time with this entry =p

4th July 2006

ok i'm finally in the mood to blog.

mid years are finally over! now the "best" thing is waiting for the results. well i hope for the best. maths was bad today. horribly irritating paper. its over. no more talking bout the past.

anyway i've just finished reading another danielle steel book titled "second chance". its a story bout giving people a second chance to prove themselves. the story started with fiona who was a editor for a popular magazine. she met this guy john who was really nice and tried to do all he could to win her heart and stuff. fiona was afraid of marriage and stuff cos of her past, her parents. but she got persuaded by john to get married. after they made the commitment, both of them were too busy with their own lives that they hardly saw each other. and john who promised that he wouldnt leave her for anything, filed for a divorce. after the divorce both people lived separate lives and tried to forget bout each other. and one year and a half passed and they met each other unknowingly. and they fell in love again. fiona was unwilling to forgive john but john wanted the second chance from her. in the end, he managed to persuade her and he got his second chance. and the story ends.

sometimes i wonder if second chances are beneficial to everyone. what if a second chance was given and a third chance is needed? do we continue to give these chances? or do we live on and forget about the past and move on to the present and the future, with the hurt that continuously stays there? too many chances leads to the problem of taking things for granted. whats the point of giving people the chance when they dun ever cherish them. another thing to ponder about. i liked the story though. i love her stories.

i'm going to the library tomorrow. yay. i shall read as many books as i can within this week. and next week onwards i shall fully focus on doing well for A levels. since the 9 o'clock show on channel 8 will be ending. and there will be no shows to distract me except for the few like desperate housewives, project runway, charmed. thats about it i guess. i watched the finale of the final season of charmed. it has such a lovely ending. but i missed so much of the middle episodes which were shown on starworld so i shall try to catch them on channel 5.

i'm bored. hais. no books to read. no studying. haha i'm bored.

ok i shall stop here. to everyone: take care.

especially for val: do ur best no matter wat others might say, i'm always here supporting u (: cheers!

3rd July 2006

thot of blogging but so not in the mood to.

29th June 2006

its the middle of midyears. and i dun feel like studying for econs mcq tomorrow. because i know i will just fail my essay like mad and the mcqs wont help much, i never scored for mcqs anyway. and there's geog tomorrow too. its human geog. another paper to write all my nonsense. but there's still a little bit of hope. i think. i think i'm losing confidence in maths too. so irritating. i'm just too careless for my own good. hais. i think its starting to get to me. i'm eating continuously. whether i'm hungry or not. so 2 possible reasons are that either i'm stressed or i'm just pms-ing. i should go on a diet and start swimming more. maybe i should try running. nut thats like highly impossible.

the new time table is just like my first term timetable. i can finally go home early on thurdays! but the thing is there is double period gp on mondays, tuesdays and thursdays. at least i get to go home early. i should be thankful.

i should go back to studying geog. and maybe try to do some econs. and hope for the best tomorrow.

22nd June 2006

today was my family outing day. my daddy took a day's leave to spend time with the entire family. not that we dun actually spend alot of time together as a family. we do spend lots of time together but today was really special. we left the house to chinatown for brunch. we had joe's porridge. it was yummy. i think it will be the last time i'll be going there before they close for renovation. its a nice place with fantastic food. =p. heehee. then we went to peoples park centre cos my mummy wanted to buy beads for her costume jewellery. and then we went to merlion park. ok sounds like we are tourists. but we went there to sit on the jet boat thing. it was super cool. but the person who was steering the boat didnt do all the stuff that he was supposed to which was the main highlight of the ride. so he gave us like a 100% refund and told us to come back on another day to take the ride again. during the ride, he was going at such a high speed that i couldnt keep my eyes open for long periods of time. and at the end of the ride, there were grains of salt all over my face and on my hair. haha. after the ride we went to suntec for shopping. for like 2 hours and we went for diner at paramount hotel there. dinner was fabulous, though pretty expensive. totally filling. haha thats my day. with totally no studying at all. a wonderful stress-free day. rite. haha. i must study like mad for geog and maths. i give up on econs. the foreign exchange test so motivates me to study. i shall swim tomorrow. when i dun feel like studying anymore =p

21st June 2006

maths was horribly boring today. 2 hours of miss ann koh was torturous. i didnt bring my 2005 paper. i left the house at 9.10am when the lesson starts at 9.30am and boarded the bus at 9.20am but i reached mj at 9.31am. heehee i was still early. i left the house so late cos i was looking for my house keys which were apparently missing. but i found them after i came home from studying. just before the lecture the class received our foreign exchange class test. and guess what? i failed again. lappie got 2/25, i got 1/25 and izyan got 0/25. haha. maybe its a friends thing. share happy times together, sad times together and even share about the same results. ok, its just me.

and i found out something. that blackface is attached to that guy who trims his eyebrows. eew. i couldnt believe it. but then again, things happen. i shouldnt be mean about it. some things are just meant to be. heehee. =p

i went for lunch at macdonald's today. with izyan. ate until quite full and was super tired. but she came over to study. and she called me bimbo 12 twelve times today. 12 times. for funny things. just becos i said going to united square requires less walking than going to suntec. and becos of many other funny things. i shall not talk too much bout it. we studied at my house. in the clubhouse and i got bitten by mosquitoes. alot of bites now. argh.

i should continue studying but there's nice programmes today. from 7pm to midnight. i shall see if i feel like studying after that. i seriously doubt it.

20th June 2006

there's school tomorrow. for some reason, i miss school. =p haha. and i'll be studying by the pool tomorrow after the lecture with lappie and some others.

ok i went to watch the omen just now. just becos pig tan had free tickets and they expire at the end of the month. so the show was nice. with those kind of prophecy stuff and the demon things. it was scary at certain parts and it was definitely gruesome. the way the people were killed *argh* so disgusting! ok anyway this show made me think about 2 other shows that i have watched previously. first it reminded me of final destination because of the horrible ways the people die and secondly it reminded me of hide and seek. why? becos of the ending. it wasnt an ending. the kid didnt die! so irritating. and the father died. i thot it would be a nice movie but the ending, bad. haha ok. maybe its just me. but i hate stuff with no proper ending. =p and what was so funny about watching the show today was that there were only 6 ppl in the whole cinema. me, pig tan and my mummy and 3 other guys who were watching alone. its funny to see guys watching horror flicks alone. ok its just me again.

i bought my seventeen magazine! haha. let me share it with u. july's issue is mainly on the DIY specials. they have DIY brooch, belt, earrings, cap, shawl, handbags. the one i found interesting was the shawl cos its made out of a long sleeve unwanted shirt. and the belt was really cute. its made with synthetic leather sheets and cut out into shapes of ballerinas. and its white! haha ok. then there is an article about skin treats where u use different fruits and food and apply it to your face. they use things like honey, baking powder, cheese, plain flour, promegranate, yogurt and fruits. and then there's DIY manicure and pedicure. to me, i'd rather pay ppl to do it for me =p. and in this month's guys talk they asked 'how creative would a guy get to impress a girl?' its interesting. and then there's the real life part where they talked about 2 girls dying from overdosage of drugs. really scary how ppl can just consume drugs.

ok now the part that really made me look twice. the horoscope part. it was really interesting to read.
CANCER
JUNE 21 - JULY 22
THE CANCER GIRL IS: WARMHEARTED, ARTISTIC AND LOYAL.
YOUR SPECIAL TRAIT: YOU MAKE EVERYONE FEEL LOVED.
YOUR LITTLE SECRET: YOUR PAST CAN KEEP YOU FROM TRULY LIVING IN THE MOMENT.
BEST MATES: VIRGO, SCORPIO, PISCES.
BEST AVOIDED: LIBRA, SAGITTARIUS, ARIES.
LUCKY DAYS: 11TH, 14TH, 27TH.
THIS MONTH: YOU'RE EAGER FOR ROMANCE, SO WHEN AN OLD FLAME REAPPEARS AROUND THE 6TH, IT WILL BE HARD TO RESIST HIS CHARM. YOU WILL HAVE FUN TOGETHER, BUT DUN GET TOO ATTACHED - HU'S NOT READY FOR THE KIND OF DEEP RELATIONSHIP YOU'RE CRAVING. SO KEEP YOUR EYES (AND HEART) OPEN. THE GUY YOU'LL MEET AROUND THE 27TH IS A BETTER MATCH.
sometimes i wonder how true this kind of horoscope thing can be. but then again it does happen at times. haha. i cant imagine how many cancerians are experiencing the same things at the same time! ok i'm talking rubbish.

heehee. i shall stop here with my seventeen magazine july issue.

i have to get rid of this cough i'm having. its killing me.

20th June 2006

i woke up at 6am today. to do maths. and i went back to sleep at 7.40 cos of the nice nice weather.woke up at 9 and here i am trying to do MJC 2004 maths mye paper. and i'm stuck at both papers qns 1. i feel dumb as usual. maybe its just me. like always.

the choir bbq wasnt that bad. and i think i will nv go for bbqs at pasir ris park again if it rains in the morning. the grass was so muddy! and i wore slippers. i should go for walks in pasir ris park more often. it was quiet and somehow peaceful even with people around.

okies i should go back to my maths.

17th June 2006

there's this feeling of emptiness in me.
i really wanna noe why.
but i cant seem to figure it out.
its like there's so many people around me but i still feel all alone.
hais. i'm in the thinking too much mood again.

16th June 2006

9 days.
9 days til midyears.
i'm so screwed.
i'm not even half done with my revision.
i need help.
i cant even do maths.
argh.

sometimes i expect too much from myself that i scare myself.

lets see. today was another day when i studied and slept and studied and slept. i woke up at about 10 and studied econs for like 1 hour and i slept for an hour and woke up to study abit more econs and did 1 integration question and i did hydrology. then i went to sleep again. and i woke up to do more hydrology. and i ate alot. i ate 2 servings of fruit loops and instant noodles and 1 green apple and 1 red apple and porridge. haha feel like some pig.

hmmmm... i have chosen to forget about my past and move on with life. any sad memories that has been kept with me for years will be forgotten but the good ones will always remain close to me. i guess there's not much point in remembering all the hurt and sadness. maybe i'll be happier or maybe the opposite might happen. i dunno. i'll just wait and see.

15th June 2006

it's almost 1 and here i am blogging. i have decided to go for the choir bbq or maybe i should say that i have been granted the permission to go for that bbq. but cherilyn's not going so i'll be like alone. hmmm. maybe i should reconsider. but then again it'll be a good excuse to go and see the stars in pasir park and to think back on all the memories i had there.

barron messaged me just now. just becos his dad drove past my house and he suddenly remembered me. he recalled the trip to japan and stuff. all the wonderful memories that are so hard to forget. it was just a really short period of time but after like almost 3 years i think its still fresh in my mind. just like it had happened yesterday. well the good times are definitely unforgettable.

14th June 2006

yay!
a new blogskin.
heehee.
i love it.
not really done with it but i will be soon. (:

i'm supposed to be studying.
and i'm not as of always.
i'm so screwed.
hmmm...
yesterday had seoul garden.
saturday gonna have bbq at lorong salleh.
sunday may be going for steamboat.
monday have choir bbq.
but i havent really decided whether or not to go.
not that i have the permission to go anyway.
anyway i will decide soon.

i should go back to studying.

13th June 2006

went to cut hair today.
i had fun.
though the person didnt cut it to what i expected.
but its fine.
i did abit of my fringe again by myself but i think i made it too short. =p
heehee.
i shall stay home and hide for the next few days.
hmmm after the hair cut went to have seoul garden.
and on our way i saw joshua and shaun from i not stupid 2!
they are so cute!
haha esp joshua.
SO CUTE!
=p
haha ok.
anyway i finally had what i was craving for ever since may.
and i feel fat.
the day i reach 48kg i will go on a diet.
but now i will just enjoy myself.
heehee.

12th june 2006

i din swim today.
i was lazy.
actually i wasnt in a really good mood.
it got spoilt.
but then again, thats wat life is about.
i've had enough of all its nonsense and stuff.
sometimes i wonder why i even bother to help others when i cant even help myself.
tell me why?
actually i dun wanna noe.
i try so hard to satisfy and i get nothing in return.
not that i want anything in return but i want to be noticed.
noticed by the people whom i try to help.
but... thats dumb.
i dunno.
it seems dumb to me now.
everything feels stupid.
and i feel useless.
i feel like *argh*
i cried today.
becos i was angry.
i was angry at myself for getting angry.
for no particular reason.
actually i got irritated by my mum.
and i got angry.
cos i was trying my best to study.
ok.
i'm not me today.
maybe i should go back to my old self.
staying in the corner and keeping quiet.
not telling anyone anything.
maybe things will get better.
i shouldnt talk alot cos apparently i'm being rude to my sisters.
according to my mum.
its so unfair.
clare can do it.
but i cant.
she can get away with anything.
but i cant.
she gets wat she wants.
but i dun.
but she's the youngest of all 3.
so i have nth to say bout that.
and as for the other sis, i cant say anything.
another long story
well i've had enough of everything!

11th June 2006

it's another sunday.
came home from dinner at bout 9.30.
the people at that coffeeshop were watching the world cup.
i was enjoying my dinner until this group of people just sat at the next table and started smoking.
argh.
i just cant stand people who smoke.
they harm themselves.
well thats their business.
but they cause discomfort to everyone else!
ok i'm being mean.
my grandma smokes.
and i inhaled so much of her cigarette smoke yesterday.
maybe i'll live a few years less.
maybe.

i slept thru the whole of today.
i slept at 3 plus.
in the morning!
and i woke up at 11 plus.
and i went to chinatown.
and i came home at 4.
i slept till 7.
then i went out for dinner.
which means i didnt study.
as of always.
since i slept so much today, i shall stay up to study.
i shall study the climate.
yes.
and then i shall sleep when i feel bored by it.
that will be like less than one hour of reading it.
i really wonder when i will start for econs.
and i shall continue to wonder about it.

i'm gonna cut hair on thursday!
at wheellock place.
the salon.
haha expensive place.
but not i pay.
and its not expensive for me.
heehee.
i shall just make my fringe.
and trim a little, and layer my hair alot.
haha.
so looking forward.
another day to escape form studying!

i shall swim tomorrow.
if it doesnt rain.
if i'm not too lazy.
if i dun fall asleep studying.
if my mum doesnt make me go out with her for lunch.
ok so many ifs.
but then again they're just excuses.
heehee.

i need to study tomorrow.
and for the rest of the holidays.
i always tell myself that.
but it never gets done.
i need to be constantly reminded.

i reread my diaries which i wrote for the past 2 years.
i saw wat i wrote for my previous june holidays last year.
and its almost the same as wat i'm doing now.
telling myself to study but not studying.
so typically me.
so maybe my mid year results may be similar to wat i got last year.
ok i should stop thinking.
i should stop here.
=p

9th June 2006

There's no need to work toward a goal every day. Some days, it's okay to just enjoy the beauty and wonder that's all around you. Work and relationship concerns can wait for tomorrow. Today you deserve to take it easy and look for the flatter land -- you can climb that mountain some other day! Remember, you're in control. Don't let your life get taken over by goals and deadlines. Avoid controversy and answer every appealing invitation with a 'you betcha!' and a smile.

that's my horoscope for today.
something from some friendster stuff.
haha.
it's funny how many people actually take these kinda stuff seriously.
thank goodness i'm not one of those kind of people who live by these daily horoscopes thing.

i had a horrible time trying to study CEP today.
and after so many months, i finally understood what it is all about.
i feel sad for myself.
but then again, its econs.
and i never understood that.
i'm gonna be in deep shit.
i know nothing about macro.
how?
i shall just study for geog and maths then =p

hmmmm...
i'm bored.
as usual.
haha i should stop crapping.

6th June 2006

i'm so addicted to blogging.
it's scary.
but then again, its a great way to pass time.

here i am with my population notes in front of me.
practically what i had supposedly studied for the entire afternoon.
the weather in the afternoon was great.
and it explains why i studied and slept and studied and slept and studied.
haha ok.
then i went for a swim.
after the rain and stuff.
in the super cold weather.
i swam.
and i soaked in the water.
until it was too cold.
and i had bubble tea after my swim.
i'm so gonna gain weight.

anyway back to yesterday's bbq thing.
after the bbq, i actually played abit of mahjong.
haha.
i can imagine myself being a tai tai in future.
shopping, having tea, shopping, doing all those spas and manicures and stuff.
haha i'm dreaming.
so random!
argh.
heehee.

bored.
bored.
bored.
bored.
bored.
and i have nothing much to do but read the notes in front of me.
bored.
bored.
bored.

i dun understand why people spend their money going to places like Kbox.
actually i dun wanna noe why.
to me, its really just a super waste of money.
i'd rather watch a movie.
but then again, i'm money-less.
no school=no allowance.
so i'm stuck at home where i dun really need to pay for anything.
heehee.

i seriously wonder why people study the population in geography when we ourselves cant really do much about it.
whats the point?
ok i should just study and not think too much.