29th June 2006

its the middle of midyears. and i dun feel like studying for econs mcq tomorrow. because i know i will just fail my essay like mad and the mcqs wont help much, i never scored for mcqs anyway. and there's geog tomorrow too. its human geog. another paper to write all my nonsense. but there's still a little bit of hope. i think. i think i'm losing confidence in maths too. so irritating. i'm just too careless for my own good. hais. i think its starting to get to me. i'm eating continuously. whether i'm hungry or not. so 2 possible reasons are that either i'm stressed or i'm just pms-ing. i should go on a diet and start swimming more. maybe i should try running. nut thats like highly impossible.

the new time table is just like my first term timetable. i can finally go home early on thurdays! but the thing is there is double period gp on mondays, tuesdays and thursdays. at least i get to go home early. i should be thankful.

i should go back to studying geog. and maybe try to do some econs. and hope for the best tomorrow.

22nd June 2006

today was my family outing day. my daddy took a day's leave to spend time with the entire family. not that we dun actually spend alot of time together as a family. we do spend lots of time together but today was really special. we left the house to chinatown for brunch. we had joe's porridge. it was yummy. i think it will be the last time i'll be going there before they close for renovation. its a nice place with fantastic food. =p. heehee. then we went to peoples park centre cos my mummy wanted to buy beads for her costume jewellery. and then we went to merlion park. ok sounds like we are tourists. but we went there to sit on the jet boat thing. it was super cool. but the person who was steering the boat didnt do all the stuff that he was supposed to which was the main highlight of the ride. so he gave us like a 100% refund and told us to come back on another day to take the ride again. during the ride, he was going at such a high speed that i couldnt keep my eyes open for long periods of time. and at the end of the ride, there were grains of salt all over my face and on my hair. haha. after the ride we went to suntec for shopping. for like 2 hours and we went for diner at paramount hotel there. dinner was fabulous, though pretty expensive. totally filling. haha thats my day. with totally no studying at all. a wonderful stress-free day. rite. haha. i must study like mad for geog and maths. i give up on econs. the foreign exchange test so motivates me to study. i shall swim tomorrow. when i dun feel like studying anymore =p

21st June 2006

maths was horribly boring today. 2 hours of miss ann koh was torturous. i didnt bring my 2005 paper. i left the house at 9.10am when the lesson starts at 9.30am and boarded the bus at 9.20am but i reached mj at 9.31am. heehee i was still early. i left the house so late cos i was looking for my house keys which were apparently missing. but i found them after i came home from studying. just before the lecture the class received our foreign exchange class test. and guess what? i failed again. lappie got 2/25, i got 1/25 and izyan got 0/25. haha. maybe its a friends thing. share happy times together, sad times together and even share about the same results. ok, its just me.

and i found out something. that blackface is attached to that guy who trims his eyebrows. eew. i couldnt believe it. but then again, things happen. i shouldnt be mean about it. some things are just meant to be. heehee. =p

i went for lunch at macdonald's today. with izyan. ate until quite full and was super tired. but she came over to study. and she called me bimbo 12 twelve times today. 12 times. for funny things. just becos i said going to united square requires less walking than going to suntec. and becos of many other funny things. i shall not talk too much bout it. we studied at my house. in the clubhouse and i got bitten by mosquitoes. alot of bites now. argh.

i should continue studying but there's nice programmes today. from 7pm to midnight. i shall see if i feel like studying after that. i seriously doubt it.

20th June 2006

there's school tomorrow. for some reason, i miss school. =p haha. and i'll be studying by the pool tomorrow after the lecture with lappie and some others.

ok i went to watch the omen just now. just becos pig tan had free tickets and they expire at the end of the month. so the show was nice. with those kind of prophecy stuff and the demon things. it was scary at certain parts and it was definitely gruesome. the way the people were killed *argh* so disgusting! ok anyway this show made me think about 2 other shows that i have watched previously. first it reminded me of final destination because of the horrible ways the people die and secondly it reminded me of hide and seek. why? becos of the ending. it wasnt an ending. the kid didnt die! so irritating. and the father died. i thot it would be a nice movie but the ending, bad. haha ok. maybe its just me. but i hate stuff with no proper ending. =p and what was so funny about watching the show today was that there were only 6 ppl in the whole cinema. me, pig tan and my mummy and 3 other guys who were watching alone. its funny to see guys watching horror flicks alone. ok its just me again.

i bought my seventeen magazine! haha. let me share it with u. july's issue is mainly on the DIY specials. they have DIY brooch, belt, earrings, cap, shawl, handbags. the one i found interesting was the shawl cos its made out of a long sleeve unwanted shirt. and the belt was really cute. its made with synthetic leather sheets and cut out into shapes of ballerinas. and its white! haha ok. then there is an article about skin treats where u use different fruits and food and apply it to your face. they use things like honey, baking powder, cheese, plain flour, promegranate, yogurt and fruits. and then there's DIY manicure and pedicure. to me, i'd rather pay ppl to do it for me =p. and in this month's guys talk they asked 'how creative would a guy get to impress a girl?' its interesting. and then there's the real life part where they talked about 2 girls dying from overdosage of drugs. really scary how ppl can just consume drugs.

ok now the part that really made me look twice. the horoscope part. it was really interesting to read.
CANCER
JUNE 21 - JULY 22
THE CANCER GIRL IS: WARMHEARTED, ARTISTIC AND LOYAL.
YOUR SPECIAL TRAIT: YOU MAKE EVERYONE FEEL LOVED.
YOUR LITTLE SECRET: YOUR PAST CAN KEEP YOU FROM TRULY LIVING IN THE MOMENT.
BEST MATES: VIRGO, SCORPIO, PISCES.
BEST AVOIDED: LIBRA, SAGITTARIUS, ARIES.
LUCKY DAYS: 11TH, 14TH, 27TH.
THIS MONTH: YOU'RE EAGER FOR ROMANCE, SO WHEN AN OLD FLAME REAPPEARS AROUND THE 6TH, IT WILL BE HARD TO RESIST HIS CHARM. YOU WILL HAVE FUN TOGETHER, BUT DUN GET TOO ATTACHED - HU'S NOT READY FOR THE KIND OF DEEP RELATIONSHIP YOU'RE CRAVING. SO KEEP YOUR EYES (AND HEART) OPEN. THE GUY YOU'LL MEET AROUND THE 27TH IS A BETTER MATCH.
sometimes i wonder how true this kind of horoscope thing can be. but then again it does happen at times. haha. i cant imagine how many cancerians are experiencing the same things at the same time! ok i'm talking rubbish.

heehee. i shall stop here with my seventeen magazine july issue.

i have to get rid of this cough i'm having. its killing me.

20th June 2006

i woke up at 6am today. to do maths. and i went back to sleep at 7.40 cos of the nice nice weather.woke up at 9 and here i am trying to do MJC 2004 maths mye paper. and i'm stuck at both papers qns 1. i feel dumb as usual. maybe its just me. like always.

the choir bbq wasnt that bad. and i think i will nv go for bbqs at pasir ris park again if it rains in the morning. the grass was so muddy! and i wore slippers. i should go for walks in pasir ris park more often. it was quiet and somehow peaceful even with people around.

okies i should go back to my maths.

17th June 2006

there's this feeling of emptiness in me.
i really wanna noe why.
but i cant seem to figure it out.
its like there's so many people around me but i still feel all alone.
hais. i'm in the thinking too much mood again.

16th June 2006

9 days.
9 days til midyears.
i'm so screwed.
i'm not even half done with my revision.
i need help.
i cant even do maths.
argh.

sometimes i expect too much from myself that i scare myself.

lets see. today was another day when i studied and slept and studied and slept. i woke up at about 10 and studied econs for like 1 hour and i slept for an hour and woke up to study abit more econs and did 1 integration question and i did hydrology. then i went to sleep again. and i woke up to do more hydrology. and i ate alot. i ate 2 servings of fruit loops and instant noodles and 1 green apple and 1 red apple and porridge. haha feel like some pig.

hmmmm... i have chosen to forget about my past and move on with life. any sad memories that has been kept with me for years will be forgotten but the good ones will always remain close to me. i guess there's not much point in remembering all the hurt and sadness. maybe i'll be happier or maybe the opposite might happen. i dunno. i'll just wait and see.

15th June 2006

it's almost 1 and here i am blogging. i have decided to go for the choir bbq or maybe i should say that i have been granted the permission to go for that bbq. but cherilyn's not going so i'll be like alone. hmmm. maybe i should reconsider. but then again it'll be a good excuse to go and see the stars in pasir park and to think back on all the memories i had there.

barron messaged me just now. just becos his dad drove past my house and he suddenly remembered me. he recalled the trip to japan and stuff. all the wonderful memories that are so hard to forget. it was just a really short period of time but after like almost 3 years i think its still fresh in my mind. just like it had happened yesterday. well the good times are definitely unforgettable.

14th June 2006

yay!
a new blogskin.
heehee.
i love it.
not really done with it but i will be soon. (:

i'm supposed to be studying.
and i'm not as of always.
i'm so screwed.
hmmm...
yesterday had seoul garden.
saturday gonna have bbq at lorong salleh.
sunday may be going for steamboat.
monday have choir bbq.
but i havent really decided whether or not to go.
not that i have the permission to go anyway.
anyway i will decide soon.

i should go back to studying.

13th June 2006

went to cut hair today.
i had fun.
though the person didnt cut it to what i expected.
but its fine.
i did abit of my fringe again by myself but i think i made it too short. =p
heehee.
i shall stay home and hide for the next few days.
hmmm after the hair cut went to have seoul garden.
and on our way i saw joshua and shaun from i not stupid 2!
they are so cute!
haha esp joshua.
SO CUTE!
=p
haha ok.
anyway i finally had what i was craving for ever since may.
and i feel fat.
the day i reach 48kg i will go on a diet.
but now i will just enjoy myself.
heehee.

12th june 2006

i din swim today.
i was lazy.
actually i wasnt in a really good mood.
it got spoilt.
but then again, thats wat life is about.
i've had enough of all its nonsense and stuff.
sometimes i wonder why i even bother to help others when i cant even help myself.
tell me why?
actually i dun wanna noe.
i try so hard to satisfy and i get nothing in return.
not that i want anything in return but i want to be noticed.
noticed by the people whom i try to help.
but... thats dumb.
i dunno.
it seems dumb to me now.
everything feels stupid.
and i feel useless.
i feel like *argh*
i cried today.
becos i was angry.
i was angry at myself for getting angry.
for no particular reason.
actually i got irritated by my mum.
and i got angry.
cos i was trying my best to study.
ok.
i'm not me today.
maybe i should go back to my old self.
staying in the corner and keeping quiet.
not telling anyone anything.
maybe things will get better.
i shouldnt talk alot cos apparently i'm being rude to my sisters.
according to my mum.
its so unfair.
clare can do it.
but i cant.
she can get away with anything.
but i cant.
she gets wat she wants.
but i dun.
but she's the youngest of all 3.
so i have nth to say bout that.
and as for the other sis, i cant say anything.
another long story
well i've had enough of everything!

11th June 2006

it's another sunday.
came home from dinner at bout 9.30.
the people at that coffeeshop were watching the world cup.
i was enjoying my dinner until this group of people just sat at the next table and started smoking.
argh.
i just cant stand people who smoke.
they harm themselves.
well thats their business.
but they cause discomfort to everyone else!
ok i'm being mean.
my grandma smokes.
and i inhaled so much of her cigarette smoke yesterday.
maybe i'll live a few years less.
maybe.

i slept thru the whole of today.
i slept at 3 plus.
in the morning!
and i woke up at 11 plus.
and i went to chinatown.
and i came home at 4.
i slept till 7.
then i went out for dinner.
which means i didnt study.
as of always.
since i slept so much today, i shall stay up to study.
i shall study the climate.
yes.
and then i shall sleep when i feel bored by it.
that will be like less than one hour of reading it.
i really wonder when i will start for econs.
and i shall continue to wonder about it.

i'm gonna cut hair on thursday!
at wheellock place.
the salon.
haha expensive place.
but not i pay.
and its not expensive for me.
heehee.
i shall just make my fringe.
and trim a little, and layer my hair alot.
haha.
so looking forward.
another day to escape form studying!

i shall swim tomorrow.
if it doesnt rain.
if i'm not too lazy.
if i dun fall asleep studying.
if my mum doesnt make me go out with her for lunch.
ok so many ifs.
but then again they're just excuses.
heehee.

i need to study tomorrow.
and for the rest of the holidays.
i always tell myself that.
but it never gets done.
i need to be constantly reminded.

i reread my diaries which i wrote for the past 2 years.
i saw wat i wrote for my previous june holidays last year.
and its almost the same as wat i'm doing now.
telling myself to study but not studying.
so typically me.
so maybe my mid year results may be similar to wat i got last year.
ok i should stop thinking.
i should stop here.
=p

9th June 2006

There's no need to work toward a goal every day. Some days, it's okay to just enjoy the beauty and wonder that's all around you. Work and relationship concerns can wait for tomorrow. Today you deserve to take it easy and look for the flatter land -- you can climb that mountain some other day! Remember, you're in control. Don't let your life get taken over by goals and deadlines. Avoid controversy and answer every appealing invitation with a 'you betcha!' and a smile.

that's my horoscope for today.
something from some friendster stuff.
haha.
it's funny how many people actually take these kinda stuff seriously.
thank goodness i'm not one of those kind of people who live by these daily horoscopes thing.

i had a horrible time trying to study CEP today.
and after so many months, i finally understood what it is all about.
i feel sad for myself.
but then again, its econs.
and i never understood that.
i'm gonna be in deep shit.
i know nothing about macro.
how?
i shall just study for geog and maths then =p

hmmmm...
i'm bored.
as usual.
haha i should stop crapping.

6th June 2006

i'm so addicted to blogging.
it's scary.
but then again, its a great way to pass time.

here i am with my population notes in front of me.
practically what i had supposedly studied for the entire afternoon.
the weather in the afternoon was great.
and it explains why i studied and slept and studied and slept and studied.
haha ok.
then i went for a swim.
after the rain and stuff.
in the super cold weather.
i swam.
and i soaked in the water.
until it was too cold.
and i had bubble tea after my swim.
i'm so gonna gain weight.

anyway back to yesterday's bbq thing.
after the bbq, i actually played abit of mahjong.
haha.
i can imagine myself being a tai tai in future.
shopping, having tea, shopping, doing all those spas and manicures and stuff.
haha i'm dreaming.
so random!
argh.
heehee.

bored.
bored.
bored.
bored.
bored.
and i have nothing much to do but read the notes in front of me.
bored.
bored.
bored.

i dun understand why people spend their money going to places like Kbox.
actually i dun wanna noe why.
to me, its really just a super waste of money.
i'd rather watch a movie.
but then again, i'm money-less.
no school=no allowance.
so i'm stuck at home where i dun really need to pay for anything.
heehee.

i seriously wonder why people study the population in geography when we ourselves cant really do much about it.
whats the point?
ok i should just study and not think too much.

5th June 2006

today had class bbq.
it was a pretty nice bbq.
got to know some ppl better.
surprisingly.
jonathan came.
big surprise.
and he left like less than an hour later.
just to watch a television programme.
ppl who live for tv. great example.
anyway it was fun and one of the times when i had too much to eat at a bbq.
so tomorrow must swim to shed off the weight that i have gained today.
and must study.
i shall study geog again tomorrow.
i shall do physical geog and i must continue my search for my population notes.
i lost them unknowingly.
hmmm...
ok then.
i shall not blog too much about my studies.
cos i dun usually accomplish much.
haha.
nites!

4th June 2006

has there ever been a time when u just feel like bursting out into tears for no reason at all?
i'm close to that.
not that i lead a sad life.
i dont.
i think.
maybe i keep too much inside.
maybe i think too much.
maybe...
i dun wanna noe.

4th June 2006

for a while, i forgot the date.

anyway, today feels short.
i came home at 3 plus in the morning.
this morning actually and i intended to wake up at 8 but i slept till like 11.
i woke up to do some geog but only had like about an hour at studying.
then my mum asked me to vacuum the dining hall and stuff.
i vacuumed the floor and stuff.
and i lost my mood for studying.
then i went on to clean my room.
and i cleaned it within an hour.
i cleaned my fan and my table.
so much dust.
and after cleaning i didnt go back to study.
thats what is irritating.

2nd June 2006

i studied and i swam.
let me rephrase myself.
i studied and after that i soaked in the pool.
the swimming part was quite minimal.

i think blogged too much just now that i am now quite lost for words. =P

2nd June 2006

ok here's what i wrote on fulscap while waiting for qing in the atrium just now.

here i am, in school.
at the atrium, waiting for qing.
hmmm.....
in a pretty confused state.
i dunno why.
thinking too much i guess.

something about last night that i didnt really mention.
on my way home, i almost got banged by a car.
cos i didnt notice it.
and to make matters worse, i stepped on a snail.
i killed an innocent snail.
and i dirtied my favourite pair of shoes.
usually i will focus on the ground cos i cant stand stepping on those poor snails that get crushed.
but last night, i was in deep deep thought.
thinking way too much.
i think the previous entry should be like ignored.
especially the first paragraph.
actually only the first paragraph.
i was being stupid.
being the oversensitive me.
as of always.
hmmm.. i wonder when i will kick the habit of being that oversensitive me.

i'm sitting in the atrium, thinking.
it was just a year ago when the previous batch of choir members had their farewell dinner and just yesterday we had ours.
to think that when i first entered MJ, i promised myself that i will not join choir again as i already had enough of it in coral.
but i passed the audition.
and i still remember when i passed the audition, gerald was the one who auditioned me.
and he asked me " will you consider joining choir?"
my immediate answer was no.
i was given a choice.
but between SLC and choir, i chose choir because i preferred performing.
for first 3 months i only went for the first few practices.
i tried my best to give myself excuses on why i should not turn up fro choir.
things like i dun feel like i belong there and also i had this feeling that my O level results wouldnt allow me to like stay in MJ.
but the results were released and i barely made it back to MJ.
and i decided that i should stay on it choir as there wasnt anything in particular that i wanted to join.
i was given the chance to participate in SYF.
despite my pathetic attendance.
i tried my best to attend all practices and stuff.
and i was pretty glad that we achieved a gold for SYF.
partly becos in coral, for both SYFs the choir only managed to clinch bronze.
and after the SYF was preparation for the concert, La Risonansa 2.
it was really fun, preparing for it.
but at that point of time, the thing that was always at the back of my mind was all the performances that i had in coral.
though few, they were memorable.
i kept comparing both choirs and i realised how different each one was.
anyway the concert was fantastic.
i had a wonderful time and it was like something totally new to me in a way.
only that i had constant flashbacks of coral choir and stuff.
and following the concert was the Voyage of Songs.
this competition sort of like opened a few doors for me.
not only did i get to see other different kinds of choirs, i also managed to make some friends.
lets put it this way, if it werent for the competition, i probably wont ever be so clse to them.
it was my first time joining a competition overseas.
even though it was just malaysia.
as usual practices were long and tiring.
but it paid off.
the results were great.
and i felt it was quite amazing considering the groups we comnpeted against.
and the thing is that i never regretted going.
and i thought i would.
ok to continue, this year we had La Risonansa 3.
we did songs for first half and sunset boulevard for the second half.
the practices were countless and long.
i had to listen to the endless complaints from my mummy and daddy for spending so much time in choir.
and for not studying enough at times.
but i guess it was all worth it.

just to digress a little, at this point of time when i was writing my entry on paper outside the LT, jonathan suddenly came to the table and sat there with me. i was in a state of shock. he started to talk to me. and he attempted to look at what i was doing. i told him i was doing some personal stuff but i guess he thot i was secretly mugging for MYE.

ok. this time during the concert i didnt really have thoughts about coral choir.
even though we did a short musical too during my last year there.
all that was in my mind wasthe practices that we had and how much effort everyone had put in during the past few months.
and there was this point of time when i felt that i was actually gonna miss the choir.
and to think that i never felt a sense of belonging to the choir.
i was gonna miss the people.
and also the practices.
when the concert ended, it was like WOW.
it was like finally over.
but why so soon?
i dunno why.
just within that short period of time so many things have changed.
and its kinda hard to believe that its all gonna be over.
or should i say its already over.
another chapter in my life closed.
now i can just say that i have no regrets joining MJchoir.
they have changed my impression of them.
the impression that i had when i first joined the choir.
and i should say that the members passion for singing really made the difference.
it was something that coral choir lacked and still lacks.
thank you MJchoir for making choir enjoyable!

ok thats the end of what i wrote.
ok let me talk about my day today.
hmmmm...
the only interesting thing that happened today was that i got back my econs international trade test.
guess wat?
i failed again.
as of always.
i predicted 5/30.
but i was lucky this time.
i got 6/30.
i amazed myself.
i should really start doing something bout it.
maybe i should find a tutor.
but then again i dun think anyone will be willing to teach me.
cos i think i'm quite hopeless.
at this point of time.

ok i think i may come and blog again later.
after studying and swimming.
hope it doesnt rain today.

i'm sorry for not blogging often.
so ya.
i'm trying.

1st June 2006

i found out alot of stuff today.
i found out something about someone.
and i heard it from someone else.
the sad thing is that i have to hear this piece of info from someone else instead of that someone.
it hurts.

today was MJchoir farewell dinner.
it started with the video.
it showed 2 photos of me.
looking so funny.
and the video.
so embarrassing!!
and then there was like dinner.
and after dinner me and cherilyn went around taking photos.
j. hui was so funny!
he was like a real photographer.
a professional one.
and we took pictures everywhere.
and as for me, with no camera, went around taking photos with ppl with cameras.
it was fun.
received little letters from rachel and mel wee, mel kang, peishi, xiuqi,pris.
so sweet.
and had a nice talk with j. hui again.
as usual, he's nice to talk to.
one of the few i confide in.
and went with rach for mac for a little while.
then i went to the interchange and i saw JERE!
haha.
to me its unexpected.
and its a rare chance that i ever get to see him.
hahaha.
jere, we should really have more talks, its nice.
and now i'm home.

the past few days?
well, mostly trying to study.
i'm pretty well paced with maths.
only geog and econs are really starting to freak me out.
it's like too many things already.
and too little time.
and i really really need help for econs.
the test on wed was bad.
and to think that i spent my tuesday evening studying forex with ruihong and dahong.
i dunno why i was with tt person.
but then again, i was pretty confident that i remembered the points.
until some ppl had to start to confuse me by saying out all the points all over again right after we studied.
so irritating.
and using that arrogant tone that i just cant stand.
so wat if u're smart?
argh.
its over.
=P

i shall study and swim tomorrow.

ok thats all for now =)